Archive | February, 2017

Forks And Ladders

21 Feb

This will be like a 10 minute or so rant on painting so, buckle in. 

When we bought our first house, at my ripe old age of 30, it was the first I’d ever lived in that was owned, not rented, and, when you buy within your means (which you should) it’s not a guaranteed beauty. But, we made it ours and the possibilities became endless so there was no way I was going to waste this opportunity to go fucking bonkers and push the limits. The walls were hideous, like years of nicotine smokers creating yellow rings around what used to be pictures hideous, thus, project #1 was to clean and cover that shit! Paint!! 🎨 So here was a blank canvas for me to work with, and a nice thing about a fresh coat of paint, it cleans all the mess leftover from what I don’t care to know about. Let’s play. Having never painted, I really, really got my fill and my hands full. With every wall covered and every room having 2 or more colors it always felt like a warm hello walking into, at least to me, it helped that I did go bonkers and went full on red wall along the living/diving room, but, how fun is that??!! Any who, I have remnants of all the colors on several pieces of clothing to remind me of those feelings for as long as I want, and, I could tell you every room or wall it’s from, and now I’m starting on a new handful of clothes that will hold reminders of every color we paint here as well. Like a little paint stamp. 🙂 

Our first inside job on this house were those two glorious bedrooms, you remember, the ones with the amazing water stained floors and hideous sea green painted walls, well, two new floors, five new colors and some crisp white painted new trim later we are open for business. 

Now that those rooms are done it’s time to move out of this one ⬇️ and get started! 🤗

An open room with no furniture or floors to worry about is easy to navigate the painting with the use of a simple step stool when needed, then we get to the smaller spaces, like a closet with shelves. So I’m up on my 3 step stool trying to reach a corner and, well, damned if it didn’t slip out from under me and try to kill me! Yes it did and don’t believe a word it says. So the next day James makes a run to the depot (that’s Home Depot, kind of our adopted family member, and I will always refer to it as such) and comes home with a shiny new utility ladder, actually 2, a priceless utility bucket and some pails. And more brushes!! Pretty much one for every color so we don’t have to wash it until we are through with said color and have the ability to work on numerous walls at a time. The cleaning of the brushes is the worst!!!!! I don’t know if I said that loud enough, the WORST!!!! So, it was a happy Valentine’s Day to me. 🙂  

Our painting station. I told you we were using colors plural!!

These walls. 😔 These walls. The texture Is called “knock down,” well, “Fuck you I will knock YOU down!!!” Is what I think of them. Don’t even get me started on how much of a pain in the ass they are to paint!!! Ok, I’m started!! With all the thousands of tiny little bumps and nooks you really have to go at it from different angles with the roller, several times to properly coat the walls. Then comes the smaller spaces and cutting in, the necessity of the brush size, angle and all its glory of being more of a bitch. Cutting in is the best! (full usage of a sarcastic tone used here,) and this shit isn’t making it any easier! So on the darker colors this takes at least 2 trips across, now I tackled it like a pro mind you, its kinda my forte when it comes to painting and it ain’t no easy task! But when you see them you’ll agree, I mean, they’re the best lines you’ll ever see, they’re incredible lines, tremendous, no one can do lines like me, but in my defense, this texture is making me look bad. It’s false representation of how amazing my lines are, and these are not false facts, I stand by them. 😉

Ready for me to start cutting in! And I had to go over the Fired Up (the name of the paint color) 3 times, and the first round took almost 2 hours!!! So tired of looking at that ceiling! 🙂 


It took us a few weeks, cuz really, you gotta take a break from smelling those fumes once in a while, add 3 more colors to the previous 5, and all but the hallway and the bathroom are finished!! And both of those are small so its cool. In our house we have a saying, “Fork!” Ok, a word, but it means something to us. ❤ I’m happy to say we’ve stuck a lot of forks in around here, we only have about restaurant sized supply to go. FORK!!

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Settling In

7 Feb

We unloaded the trailer with the remainder of our belongings, all 4 fur babies included, on January 19 and this house, our new home, is slowly becoming just that. These first few weeks have been a fuckery of hurdles! We are still sleeping/living/eating/sitting, all cozy and together, in the living room, trying to keep the back two rooms as empty as possible for their complete makeovers. Here’s a before picture to prove their worthiness of of said makeover. 


All those delicious looking water stains, well, we assumed dogs lacking frequent trips outside to relieve themselves, and dogs were a good assumption as there were many remnants of tennis balls in the fenced in backyard, it just made sense. Luckily for us the previous tenants removed the assumably prestigious looking carpet and as this is a no carpet household they just saved us a step. During the inspection Mr. Inspector simply states, “Looks like this was used as a grow house,” with little to no shock or surprise. Turns out that the water stains were just that. Overwater much our little amateur friends? Getting the ball rolling is the hardest part, just ask any aspiring gym-goer in January. For me, right now, it’s paint. I want color. Color that flows and compliments throughout so I sit, and I stare at the walls for minutes on end trying to envision something, (with what seems like every possible paint swatch The Home Depot had at my disposal) anything to cover up this disgusting sea green blotched bleh and these beat down white walls. I’m finding it more difficult than our last house because here the walls transcend over and into the kitchen, two long walls spanning the length from front door to back. Ahhhh!!

So, I regroup and pick our new laminate flooring first, to compliment the kitchen tile that is already in place, and then proceed to find paint(s) to flow throughout the house. Let’s work from the bottom up so at least now I have a focal point. Find the flooring, find the paint. I finally settled on colors, plural! And by that I mean the lady in the paint department made a WOW comment to James when he gave her my list, and now, finally, we can get started on those back 2 rooms. A nice thing about these 2 rooms, with their wonderfully exposed floors, no stress about paint dripping or covering of furniture needed. Stay messy my friends. 😉 Day 1, room number 1, (our bedroom of course) heads under way. After a bit of work I hear, “Have you seen Lily?” Well, guess who managed to find a loose board in the backyard? Yep, with her shepherd nose and curious mind she just walked on out. Luckily she was standing on the other side, (I speak Lily so I know what she thought was,) “Oh shit, I’m not supposed to be here! I’ll just wait.” It has now been decided that the fence will take precedence and steal James away from me starting tomorrow. Commence painting for today and all 4 walls, ceiling and closet get their first coat so we call it just before dinner. 

The next morning I get a call with some family matters and need to leave town for a few days and, well, James has a fence to mend/build so painting gets put on the back burner. Those 4 days I was gone James was building the fence. He planned on just rebuilding the sections that needed it but the weather was great and I was gone so he did a little more. And then when he thought he was done, a rotted post! Argh! Fuck it, just finish the damn fence, and damn it he did. This last week since he’s finished the fence have all been less than favorable outside weather so, I’ll say it, thank you Lily for showing us the faults in our borders at the right time. I may speak her language but she doesn’t speak mine so she’ll never know she did right by leaving the premises. 👍🏻🐕 Paint on! Well, we did it! One room down, rest of the house to go! A complete remodel is chock full of tiny victories, innumerable amounts of high fives, setbacks and many, oh so many, trips to the (in our case) Home Depot. I’m pretty sure we will all be close friends by the end of this venture, or at least them and our dogs.

 Piece by piece. Box by box. Wall by wall. And when you look at the piece, open the box and see the wall. Fuck. More. Seems never ending. And that is something I’d like to keep up.
Tonight, we sleep in this bedroom, finally.