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Star light. Star bright.

22 Dec

We sometimes forget to look up. Looking up is really where everything you have, want, or need is all wrapped up in a beautiful starry night, sunny day or cloudy afternoon. Looking up makes it all better. The days set our moods. The stars tell us where home is, if you look. 

Growing up in SE Alaska the sky literally was the limit. Abundant and hopeful. Breathtaking. My last year there was the only time I had lived by myself, and the only time since. I was 24 that winter and on clear nights I would just stand outside and look into the sky, the Big Dipper was like my compass in life then, right out my front door. Reliable. And lucky for me, seldom but still, the northern lights dancing. 
Those stars and lights are burned in my mind. Maybe its because there was no one on the other side of that door, that I took an extra second to look up before going in, I don’t know. But sometimes now, I forget to look up. 

When I moved to San Diego well, those starry nights weren’t always visible, they weren’t even a thought for some time. I remember when James and I first went camping, this was about a year and a half after I left Sitka, unfamiliar with this campsite the drive took us a little longer than expected, so we were basically setting up camp in the dark. Not fun. But there was this second, we were walking to the restrooms and there was a clearing and I happened to look up and there they were. All the stars that had been hiding from me. I instantly froze and gave him the mom stiff arm to stop and look up. We had driven 4,000 feet up but it burnt a memory in me, and every camping trip after that I’d make sure to look up. 

About 3 years later we bought our first home. It was maybe only 4 miles from where we had lived before but a much less busy area, not so surrounded by street lights. One evening, a few months after living in our home we were sitting on the front porch having a glass of wine and I looked up and there it was. The Big Dipper. I was a child at Christmas! All was right in my life. And since its not always easy to see stars in a city, I followed it whenever I could. I knew that around Christmas and New Years I could see it on a clear night from my favorite seat in the hot tub. 

Chapter ummm, does 3 sound right? We sold and moved out of our home in SD and have been rocking it in our trailer for almost 3 months now. Our time spent outside of said trailer is as follows; dogs, driving to see properties, dogs, showers, grocery/random errands, dogs, seeing properties, dogs. 

There have been beautiful, beautiful days we’ve looked up and took deep breaths and really felt we were going in the right direction. But these were days. The nights were all about the dogs, on the leash and keeping a light on them to make sure we picked up after them if needed so (don’t get me started on how many fucking piles of shit we’ve picked up that were not ours!! Piles!!) on that note, we were mostly looking down. 

Tonight I took the dogs out, with my light, following them, and for some reason I looked up, finally. And there it was, the Big Dipper. I don’t know why it to took me so long but I will try not to forget to look up. I recommend it to you as well.

 The sky and the stars will lead you home. Always.