I am not liking this trend. 3 years in a row.

2020 There was Daddy.

2021, And then Meow Meows

And you. My Baby Beau.

You’ve been the hardest to write down words. To express the feels and the hurts.

And I will take that as a sign that you excelled in your worth. 

You stole my heart the moment we met eyes. Ours grew brighter together in each others lives. 

You brought this light and, my dear Beau.. you outshone everyone, it carried everywhere you’d go. 

I miss you terribly, that’s no surprise.  

You were just simply, some would maybe even say.

The Best. In. Show.

You. My MamasBoy/Beau.

Inspiration comes often

When life inspires. And your hands are tied.

How often it happens, a perfect phrase to describe.

I’m brushing my teeth,

Seems a messy time to stop and jot my thought.

I’m falling into a beautiful sleep, yet my mind wanders and my body must decide.

The thought of moving my arms to jot my thought seems torturous, so i drift back, choose to move aside.

I’m in the shower, hearing music that inspires with soapy hands that can’t be used.

Then those perfect words to explain are gone. As was that muse.

I missed that moment, to jot that thought.

Inspiration comes often, when your hands are tied.

I HAVE HAD THE MOST AMAZING DECADE

First. I turned thirty. And that’s the kind of number you need to start a decade. 😉

Then, or second I guess,?🙃  my fiancé and I bought a house/complete-rehab together, which is something that I never thought I would, or could, acheive, but his complete confidence and blind trust in US made me say, “O-fuckin-K!”. 🤷‍♀️ Now, as first time homeowners, with a toolbox that consisted of a hammer, couple screwdrivers and 🤔maybe duct tape❓ we dove in head on. Then we got married. Married! And that is a whole other amazing story that has no ending. ❤️(Spoiler alert, the rest of this decade includes my husband).

We started (‘10) this home-takeover-up-to-our-elbows adventure about a month before we flew off to our wedding, and when we came home had brilliantly allowed ourselves less than a week to move out of our apartment into said compleeeeete makeover, (that was funnily enough completely uncompleted). Wait, I’m not sure if I used the word ‘brilliantly’ correct.❓🤔.  Deep breath. Many many deep breathes. Now I am not one who’s afraid to ask for help, which I really think more people should get over that fear, so ask I did. And, (here is a very tiny piece of the process from the SD home,)

I am so proud and thankful for all the knowledge we gained from friendships that we had built in SD, and all the failures and oops’😮 we had learned through those six years. And those memories will never be forgotten. And it all sure as shit carried over through these last four.

Fast forward to where I am now (‘20) and it’s another home, both town and the four-walls-and-a-roof-kind of home, that I have left my fingerprints all over. And I really mean that in every sense. This house has completely become a reflection of us. My coworkers and the customers at the restaurant/bar I work at have become part of our family as well. I mean, to work at a place where people are happy to see your family, and ask how they are when they don’t, is pretty damn great. And it for sure goes both ways. If I haven’t seen you for a bit, you better come in and say hello so I know you’re ok. After all, we’re family.

In 6 months we will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary. So yeah, this next decade is going to be amazing as well.

I hope it brings you many many seconds of smiles that warm your heart. Here’s one from me. ❤️

Hello 2018

As 2017 is creeping it’s way out the back door, for so many, many reasons, I say, “Let me hold the fucking door open for you to take all of your garbage out!”

For James and I, the beginning of January ‘17 was in so many ways amazing. We had found, and bought, our new home. New project. In our new state. New city. It was exciting. Invigorating. Fun.

Our fun, on our property, hasn’t faded. We are not near done playing.

This past year however, did not have as much fun, penciled in for us as Id’ve liked.

There were too many tears, shed across several spectrums of my family and friends. More tears than I personally cared to hold back, and more than I cared to ever have.

2018 I welcome you. (Please be nice)

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today my husband and I drove away from San Diego, where I had lived for eleven years. 11. And Nov 1/17 will mark the eleventh year James and I have been together. And yes, if you do the math, you’ll find I was lucky enough to have met my forever not too long after I landed in SD. But the topic of this story is this past year.

A few days shy of a year ago today, we cleared out the last of all we hadn’t packed away from our home. What was left were items that I had strategically decided would carry us through, whatever amount of time, in our new “home,” during our travel north. Said home was a (used) 27′ travel trailer hitched onto our new (used) Ford F250.  It all happened so fast but took so long to finally come to fruition. When we decided we were going to sell and move, we knew all that had to be done to our SD home. So we upped our progress and James gradually cut back on work and dedicated those hours into our humble abode. This quickly turned into no work for him other than the house. He was there to stage it, and since we were still living in the house this was an actual process, i.e, take the animals out when there were viewings. A job in itself. I mean, you try to chill in a truck with two dogs, and two cats in their carriers for an hour or so, (chime in sounds of pissed off cats here) a grip full of times, just waiting until you get the clear to go back home. Waiting for that person to make that offer.

Hells To The No!!

Those days seemed to drag on. Waiting for it to be official. Telling my friends, coworkers, and employers alike, that we weren’t sure when it would be final. Then to say, “It’s sold!” and, “Do you need me this weekend?” (This was on a Thursday) And they were so gracious to honestly say, “Good luck on your venture.” So that day we packed up the last bit of what we had been living off of. Waiting for this day, for weeks. It both broke and opened my heart. We surrendered our keys. And we drove off. Well. Drove our new temporary home to the nearest RV park, to be close enough to make sure that that check cleared. We needed no surprise at this point. The waitng had been hovering over too many heads for enough time. Alas it happened, and we ventured unto a new path that was simply mapped out to “North.” Seriously, that was our destination. North.

A Year Ago Today. We Drove Away.

We made it.

If you’d like to follow me from the beginning, here’s your start. 

House for sale!

PORT.A WHAT????

Weeks ago, hahahah! Nope. Back in late May James was all excited about a present he had bought for me that was coming in the mail. It’s a surprise! He says. So of course I’m intrigued. Can anyone guess what it was? No! Every thought is wrong! Wrong! It was a port a potty! You heard me. Port.A.Potty. Now I’ll explain. Our bathroom is next up on the to-do list and needs an upgrade on a serious level. Tile, vanity and medicine cabinet, and with doing that ourselves it could possibly take more than a week. So, there’s that toilet issue, it did not need to be replaced but, just plain old had to be removed for proper laying of the tile, hence, needing a place to do our business! And then a series of events happened. 

First, I’m a procrastinator, (that has been established time and time again,) and secondly, family and friend and life shit happened. So it was put on hold. 

Then a rainbow arose 🌈 and a pot of gold landed in our backyard. Well, a couple miles away but. Dude. Some great friends of ours over the last 7 years moved up here, purely coincidental, and well sometimes, one needs a great coincidence to poop out in their backyard. (Is it just me or does this post seem to be leaning too much towards poo? 🤔) And don’t ever dismiss it. One of these friends happens to be someone who knows a little about everything and a lot about some things. So our project that may have taken us a week plus some days, took these two boys 3 days. And those three days, they did while I was away.  

When men take a before and after. Yeah. Cannot trust them!!  Close the lid babe. But, thank you. 

I came home to a new bathroom. While I didn’t do any actual labor, I was instrumental to this remodel. I picked out everything and damnit not surprised, totally nailed it!! Looks amazing! And while I got away with the days worth of no working toilet, there is still one last task, (besides more mother-fucking painting!) seal the tile, and that takes the better part of a day. So. I cannot get away without gracing that port a potty with this cute little bum. Hello garage. You seriously need to pick up after yourself! 

In Loving Memory

I can’t express the hole you’ve left in our lives. 

I can’t explain the heartbreak I’d witnessed before my eyes.

My last moment with you, my very last goodbye. 

I thanked you.

For what you gave to her, for how you made her feel.

And how that carried over, you were infectious.     

 You were real.

So I thanked you. 

I’ve never held back so many tears while wanting to cry so much and so hard. 

Lowering my gaze, staring off in the distance, 

I fought to stay strong, to keep up my guard.  

We can only fight so long. It’s proven to be true.

And at the end, I thanked you. ❤️

http://www.gofundme.com/danbelair